Listen to your mistakes
They say you will keep repeating your mistakes until you learn the wisdom behind your lesson. It is a long, winded, painful path, but, perhaps the only way stubborn hearts like yours will heal for the better.
What are you doing wrong this time, you wonder?
Let's look carefully at your current love life, shall we? The people involved, the story angle, how much you are investing, and what exactly are you getting back in return?
Firstly, there's the love of your life, L. No; he was the former love of your life, who chooses to be in sporadic contact with you- post break up, almost a year on. Via text, email, or Skype. Anything that does not require much effort.
Sure, it's not a bad thing he doesn't seem to hate you... but what exactly are we hoping to happen here?
Reconciliation? Friendship? Forgiveness?
Maybe, just maybe. You may still love each other, or at least care genuinely about each other. But don't forget that L has already committed himself to someone else. Also, he did that just before he left you in the gutter- via Skype. (what a coward!)
Sure, you were not in the most excellent shape a few months ago-both body and mind, and there were significant issues in your relationship. But isn't it odd that he does not seem too bothered about it all? Not the least bit? After four years of dating, you would assume he has some feelings attached...right?
Or maybe you choose not see that he is eating his cake (new girlfriend) while checking on his trophy collection (a.k.a you because you worshipped this guy for some unknown attachment reasons) Why are you still indulging this ego-stroking madness?
Meanwhile, you are also still in contact with the rebound guy, K, whose heart you managed to stomp on, just before you decided to leave the country and head back home. Let's assess what is happening here, shall we?
Ok, so you broke K's heart the first time when you told him you do not love him. Although this was fairly honest, you may not have needed to be that truthful to heal yourself. You wanted to date others, and you did that despite you knew how he felt. He even got you a ring, so you will see how serious he felt about you. Then you repeatedly told him how you both are too different, that you cannot have a future with him and you will leave the country soon, anyway.
Here's the thing; how come you are texting him between working hours when you are seas apart with no chance of ever seeing him?
He thinks that you miss him because you tell him you do, but really, you just want attention. Tsk. Tsk. Not cool, girl. Not cool.
Let's not forget the other guy you started dating while going out with the rebound. Yes. Let's shift to A. Wonderful, sweet talking A- who is also currently, overseas.
A, whom you met through mutual friends. A, whom, unlike K, you had more in common with, who was happy to "enjoy the moment" and not commit anything too serious. Unlike L, he was happy to spoil you with baking your birthday cake, making silly videos and investing elaborating plans to "woo" you from the "other" guy.
A, whom, despite agreeing to have a short "fling", you decided to continue long-distance flirtations and skype calls (what is this obsession with Skype relationships, my dear?We need to get to the bottom of this another time, though)
But girl, you ignored the signs. He told you from the beginning that he was still in love with his ex. He liked you very much, but his heart was also still mending itself. It was only when he decided to win his ex back that you finally woke up from your bubble of fantasy.
You got upset, naturally.
You told him you were happy for him, and you wished him luck. Maybe some part of you were truthful. But secretly, you wished it was you that he would come after. Oh, dear girl, when will this telenovela-like life take a break?
It is quite amazing how much time you are investing in these affairs despite the distance and time differences. What are you really trying to achieve? We have yet to even discuss the other local boys you are stringing along. Almost 30, and yet not getting the obvious lesson to be learnt here? or have we finally got it? Have we, my dear girl?
Tonight, at dinner, you advised a crying girlfriend to move on and refrain from chasing after the guy who apparently was not-that-into her. You reminded her how precious she is. You tell her she is a complete person, with or without a man. And to simply learn to appreciate her own company. To truly embrace her self and be in love with herself (not in a narcissistic way, of course.) You told her she deserves a person who wants her to have all she can, and that it should not, ever, be too hard, to just be in love. And be loved in return.
Now, what about yourself?
Your investment in all of this, is to find a form of acceptance of yourself.
But this cannot be found through another. You can only share them when you find it yourself.
As long as you are allowing others to be the reason for your wholeness, your existence, your being, you will never be free from needing validation.
There is nothing wrong with you. There may be nothing wrong with those boys either, but that still does not mean they were right for you.
In fact, this is not about them at all. It is about you. And so, you need to accept yourself, and give yourself what you need and expect from this journey.
You are brave, you are beautiful, and you need to take a step back and get to know yourself again. Let you, only you, validate, yourself.
and God of course.
But for now, stop looking at the phone and log off. Life is mostly offline, anyway.
Live it.
What are you doing wrong this time, you wonder?
Let's look carefully at your current love life, shall we? The people involved, the story angle, how much you are investing, and what exactly are you getting back in return?
Firstly, there's the love of your life, L. No; he was the former love of your life, who chooses to be in sporadic contact with you- post break up, almost a year on. Via text, email, or Skype. Anything that does not require much effort.
Sure, it's not a bad thing he doesn't seem to hate you... but what exactly are we hoping to happen here?
Reconciliation? Friendship? Forgiveness?
Maybe, just maybe. You may still love each other, or at least care genuinely about each other. But don't forget that L has already committed himself to someone else. Also, he did that just before he left you in the gutter- via Skype. (what a coward!)
Sure, you were not in the most excellent shape a few months ago-both body and mind, and there were significant issues in your relationship. But isn't it odd that he does not seem too bothered about it all? Not the least bit? After four years of dating, you would assume he has some feelings attached...right?
Or maybe you choose not see that he is eating his cake (new girlfriend) while checking on his trophy collection (a.k.a you because you worshipped this guy for some unknown attachment reasons) Why are you still indulging this ego-stroking madness?
Meanwhile, you are also still in contact with the rebound guy, K, whose heart you managed to stomp on, just before you decided to leave the country and head back home. Let's assess what is happening here, shall we?
Ok, so you broke K's heart the first time when you told him you do not love him. Although this was fairly honest, you may not have needed to be that truthful to heal yourself. You wanted to date others, and you did that despite you knew how he felt. He even got you a ring, so you will see how serious he felt about you. Then you repeatedly told him how you both are too different, that you cannot have a future with him and you will leave the country soon, anyway.
Here's the thing; how come you are texting him between working hours when you are seas apart with no chance of ever seeing him?
He thinks that you miss him because you tell him you do, but really, you just want attention. Tsk. Tsk. Not cool, girl. Not cool.
Let's not forget the other guy you started dating while going out with the rebound. Yes. Let's shift to A. Wonderful, sweet talking A- who is also currently, overseas.
A, whom you met through mutual friends. A, whom, unlike K, you had more in common with, who was happy to "enjoy the moment" and not commit anything too serious. Unlike L, he was happy to spoil you with baking your birthday cake, making silly videos and investing elaborating plans to "woo" you from the "other" guy.
A, whom, despite agreeing to have a short "fling", you decided to continue long-distance flirtations and skype calls (what is this obsession with Skype relationships, my dear?We need to get to the bottom of this another time, though)
But girl, you ignored the signs. He told you from the beginning that he was still in love with his ex. He liked you very much, but his heart was also still mending itself. It was only when he decided to win his ex back that you finally woke up from your bubble of fantasy.
You got upset, naturally.
You told him you were happy for him, and you wished him luck. Maybe some part of you were truthful. But secretly, you wished it was you that he would come after. Oh, dear girl, when will this telenovela-like life take a break?
It is quite amazing how much time you are investing in these affairs despite the distance and time differences. What are you really trying to achieve? We have yet to even discuss the other local boys you are stringing along. Almost 30, and yet not getting the obvious lesson to be learnt here? or have we finally got it? Have we, my dear girl?
Tonight, at dinner, you advised a crying girlfriend to move on and refrain from chasing after the guy who apparently was not-that-into her. You reminded her how precious she is. You tell her she is a complete person, with or without a man. And to simply learn to appreciate her own company. To truly embrace her self and be in love with herself (not in a narcissistic way, of course.) You told her she deserves a person who wants her to have all she can, and that it should not, ever, be too hard, to just be in love. And be loved in return.
Now, what about yourself?
Your investment in all of this, is to find a form of acceptance of yourself.
But this cannot be found through another. You can only share them when you find it yourself.
As long as you are allowing others to be the reason for your wholeness, your existence, your being, you will never be free from needing validation.
There is nothing wrong with you. There may be nothing wrong with those boys either, but that still does not mean they were right for you.
In fact, this is not about them at all. It is about you. And so, you need to accept yourself, and give yourself what you need and expect from this journey.
You are brave, you are beautiful, and you need to take a step back and get to know yourself again. Let you, only you, validate, yourself.
and God of course.
But for now, stop looking at the phone and log off. Life is mostly offline, anyway.
Live it.
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